How to Support a Grieving Loved One via Text: According to a Grief and Bereavement Expert

When someone we care about experiences the death of a loved one, we find ourselves faced with two difficult decisions:  

1. What is the best way to share my condolences and offer support? And;  
2. What exactly do I say?

When we first learn that someone we care about has lost a loved one, there is a natural impulse to want to offer comfort and support. We have countless methods to share our condolences and words of support – in person, by phone, email,  letter, social media, or by texting. Ultimately our relationship with the grieving individual will determine what we feel is the best way to reach out. Once we settle on the appropriate channel of communication, it’s normal to find ourselves confused about to say. Here we hope to offer some perspective and tips on how to offer grief support via text message.   

 

A few rules to consider  

• Brief but sweet 

When deciding what to say, it’s okay to keep your texts short. In fact, there are times when it’s highly recommended. Grief can be overwhelming, so a concise text might be all a person can process.   

 

• Keep it simple 

What matters most is that your words are said with care and concern. None of the phrases provided here are complicated. It’s the heart and intention that matter most. It’s acceptable to simply use the phrase, “I’m sorry for your loss” if it’s said with genuine care and concern. Remember, there are no words that can take away the pain of loss. There are, however, words that can help people feel less alone.  

• Avoid euphemisms

Avoid using euphemisms like “Everything happens for a reason,” or “They are in a better place.” Unless you know that your grieving loved one believes these things to be true, hearing them can be exceptionally hurtful. Consider using the language provided here. 

 

Where to start?   

It can be hard to know where to begin. Below are some phrases that you can use to help get you started. Remember, keep it simple and speak from the heart. If any of these prompts speak to you then begin there and add your own words to make an authentic offer of comfort and support.   

“… I’m so sorry…”  
“…I heard about your (enter relationship: mom, dad, brother, sister, spouse, child. etc.)…”  
“…I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now…”   
“…I don’t have the words…”   
“…I know you’re busy being with family right now, you don’t have to reply…”  
“…Just know that I’m thinking of you and I’m here…”   
“…I’d really love to support you right now…”  
“…Please let me know what I can do big or small to help make your days easier…”   
“…Here for you…”